Parcel tracking be like
* shipping was scheduled
* still scheduled
* yeah, still scheduled!
* your order has left the building! I repeat, your order has left the building!
* order is somewhere, promise!
* order has left its home country *sniff*
* order? What order?!
* whoops, customs!
* [order is in the vortex]
* mystery destination!
* you were away from home for five seconds, so get your stuff yourself at [3 km away], earliest tomorrow evening when you have to work, lol